


Wait It Out

by quirkypunk



Category: Captain America, Marvel
Genre: AU, Alcohol, Alone, Anger, Angry Steve Rogers, Angst, Bucky Barnes - Freeform, Clintasha - Freeform, Drunk Clint Barton, Drunkness, Fluff, Germany, Injury, Jealousy, Letters, Lonely Bucky Barnes, M/M, Major Character Injury, PTSD, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Snarky Clint Barton, Soldiers, Steve Angst, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Stucky - Freeform, Violence, War, au clintasha, au stucky, long distance, steve rogers - Freeform, steve rogers and clint barton friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-02-24 13:11:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2582564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quirkypunk/pseuds/quirkypunk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky is handling war none too well and Steve is left at home to worry about him. Basically Stucky AU...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When You Come Crawling Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky leaves and Bucky comes back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this first bit and I'm not entirely sure where this fic is gonna go but I'm excited.

“Hey Buck?” Steve asked as he counted Bucky’s fifth step away from him.  
“Yeah?” Bucky replied turning with a pained expression playing on his face.  
“Don’t go,” Steve whispered and quickly strode over, enveloping the new soldier in the tightest hug he could give.  
“Steve…” Bucky murmured quietly placing a timid kiss on the shorter man’s hairline.  
“We’ve been through this Steve. I go out and fight for the two of us. I help keep this country safe…” Bucky said. Steve sighed.

That had been eight months ago.

Bucky still wasn’t back. His first shot at the whole soldier thing was supposed to have lasted six months. He was supposed to be home. He was supposed to have kept his promise. The promise to come home and write letters every week. Steve had no letters. Heck Steve wasn’t even sure why he was still holding on. He’d contacted Bucky’s head of department after the first month and been told that his boyfriend was fine. That he at least seemed fine… Why wouldn’t Bucky write? Why would he ever try to lose contact with Steve? They were supposed to be in love. Steve had gone back to the office eleven more times after that first month. Each time, they’d told him Bucky was fine. They wouldn’t lie would they? The government wouldn’t lie to Steve… After the six months, the office had told him Bucky had asked to extend his time in the war. After a thorough medical check, they’d let him. Why would he do that? Why on earth would Steve’s best friend do that?

He’d gotten home from another meeting with the local military office and was in the shower watching water drip down his body. It was cold. He couldn’t care less but he turned off the shower got dressed anyway. Then he heard it. He heard Bucky’s footsteps. He didn’t have to listen twice to know they were his. The lazy pause between his steps and the determined frequency of how they never faltered. Steve shut the door.

“Steve?” Bucky asked walking towards the door.

There was no answer.

“You hate me,” Bucky said matter-of-factly.

“I wish,” Steve replied laughing sadly.

“You should.”  
“I know.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Then why did you do it?”

Bucky sighed and sat with his back against the door. Steve wanted to hit him.

“You should probably hit me before I start explaining,” Bucky said voicing the desire Steve’s right arm was prepared for.

“I don’t wanna punch you Buck,” Steve said.  
“Then why is your right fist closed?”  
Steve reddened and was suddenly thankful Bucky couldn’t see him.  
“I’m your boyfriend Steve. I know you,” Bucky sighed, kicking off his shoes.  
“You don’t know all of me,” Steve argued. “I mean… How could you right? What with being away for nine fucking months. Being away and not writing.”  
“Open the door Steve,”  
“No,”  
“But you want to,”  
“Of course I want to,”  
“Then do it!”  
“NO!”  
“Why not,”  
“Because you told me to…” Steve said immaturely.  
“So what I want doesn’t matter anymore?” Bucky asked.  
“You’re not in the position to be saying things like that Buck,” Steve replied.  
“You’re right… Please open the door Steve,” Bucky said defeated.

There was a pause that lasted long enough for Bucky to lose hope.

Then Steve opened the door and if felt like Bucky was opening his eyes for the first time.

“I’ve missed you,” the soldier said standing up clumsily.  
“Yeah?” Steve asked, shaking his head in bitterness.  
Bucky’s eyes dimmed. Steve’s fist clenched and unclenched. He brought it up. He kissed Bucky.

“I hate you,” Steve murmured as his hand wrapped around Bucky’s neck.  
“Mm, you’ve gotta funny way of showing it,” Bucky replied laughing onto Steve’s open mouth.

They kissed some more. They found their way to the couch.

Bucky tentatively played with the hem of Steve’s shirt.

“Tell me why you did it then you can take it off,” Steve said touching Bucky’s lingering hand.

“Promise?” Bucky teased but his mouth was already losing its grin.

“Tell me,” Steve repeated holding Bucky’s hand in his own. The man sighed.

“I couldn’t write Steve,” Bucky choked tears dancing around his eyes.

“What do you mean?” Steve asked gently wiping the gathering water away.

“I couldn’t write. I mean what was I supposed to say? I killed people. People tried to kill me. We didn’t know each other... We didn’t know each other Steve! We were trying to kill each other but we didn’t even know each other! War isn’t personal Steve… But each individual battle sure as hell is. I was killing some poor woman’s son out there Steve. I was killing so many poor women’s sons. And it felt… it felt like I was killing myself with each one.” Bucky ranted sobbing.  
“You were keeping me safe,” Steve said simply.  
“But at what cost Steve? At what cost? When is it ever okay to rob someone of their future? When is it ever okay to cause a funeral?” Bucky asked haunted.  
“They chose to be in the army Buck. Just like you. They were willing to die for what they loved. Just like you,” Steve insisted brushing a stray hair from Bucky’s face.  
“Some were too young Steve. Some had no choice,” Bucky argued.  
“That’s not your fault,”  
“I’m the one who ended their life Steve! I ended it while they were doing something they might not even want to be doing!”  
“It’s done now. It’s done. You can’t take it back. But you’re forgiven,” Steve said.  
“I’m atheist Steve. Who am I forgiven by?” Bucky asked bitterly.  
“By me. On behalf of all the families you broke,” Steve said.  
“You can’t speak for them,” Bucky debated furrowing his brows.  
“I know what it means to lose someone Buck and I know that if it involves the government… no one’s responsible,” Steve said.  
“That’s not very punk of you,” Bucky laughed reluctantly.  
“You’re right, fuck the government,” Steve replied.  
“Well damn you have changed,” Bucky smiled.  
“Not really. The patriotic eagle raging inside of me has just declared war,” Steve laughed. Bucky laughed too. It felt good.  
“You could’ve asked me about my life,” Steve said eventually.  
“You would’ve asked about mine,” Bucky replied.  
“You could’ve told me not to.”  
“I’m sorry. That’s true.”  
“Why did you extend your leave then?” Steve asked.  
“I didn’t. I moved up a rank and was healthy enough to stay. They extended it. If it was my choice I would’ve come back after the first week,” Bucky said.  
“Okay.”  
“Okay?”  
“That’s what I just said isn’t it?”  
“Okay.”  
“You can take it off now,” Steve said gesturing to his shirt. Bucky smiled lightly then shook his head, Steve looked more ready to cuddle and watch chic flicks with just at that moment.  
“I know,” Bucky said and he scooped Steve carefully onto his lap before flipping on the TV and giving Steve a light peck on the cheek.  
“Well damn, you’ve changed,” Steve claimed teasingly.  
“Love is knowing you can want this instead of sex,” Bucky replied smiling.  
“That’s nice,” Steve said, “But you haven’t changed that much Buck.”  
Bucky raised an eyebrow and Steve shifted his gaze to where Bucky’s hand was climbing up his chest.  
“I didn’t realize,” Bucky said blushing.  
“I know,” Steve said smiling and lifted off his shirt.


	2. Stay A Little Longer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So they're together again but not for long and they both know it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes this was totally just an excuse for a little bit of stucky fluff... Hope you like it!

“Steve!!!” Bucky yelled from their bedroom.  
“Always needin’ me ain’t ya,” Steve teased rushing into the room.  
“Of course,” Bucky replied from underneath a stuck t-shirt.  
“Well you’ve only been back for five days. Can’t blame you,” Steve laughed as he helped his boyfriend out of the t-shirt.  
“Thank you,” Bucky smiled pulled Steve’s shirt down towards him for a quick peck.  
“Mhmm, hey do you wanna go catch a movie today?”  
“No I wanna stay inside with you and never have to look at anyone else ever again.”  
“Tough luck with that my friend,” Steve chuckled plopping down next to Bucky on the bed.  
“Life’s not fair,” Bucky pouted lying down.  
“But I’m sure we could make it more bearable,” Steve replied waggling his eyebrows jokingly at Bucky’s figure.  
“You creep,” Bucky laughed and stood, picking Steve up with him on the ascent. 

Steve gave him a scrunch nosed grin and twisted so that his legs were around Bucky’s waist.

“Hmmph, you’re getting heavier Steve. Been working out?” Bucky asked nudging Steve’s biceps with his nose as he walked to the living room.  
“I wish. If you’ve already forgotten, someone had me going crazy over their disappearance,” the blonde boy replied raising an eyebrow challengingly.  
“Give it a break man,” Bucky sighed dumping Steve down on the couch.  
“No,” Steve said defiantly.  
“Then I guess we’ll need to wage a tickle war,” Bucky deadpanned nonchalantly.  
“No no no I take it back!” Steve yelled as Bucky lunged at him.

Steve, as small as he was, managed to escape Bucky’s tickling by flipping them over with all the body force he could muster. From there, he quickly gained the upper hand and their Brooklyn apartment was filled with the sound of Bucky’s laughter for a good five minutes. Eventually, Bucky managed to retaliate and soon Steve was the one cowering in a fit of giggles. 

“I thought you said you took it back?” Bucky asked as his fingers gently stroked all of Steve’s most ticklish spots.  
“I do I do!” Steve yelled laughing hands up in surrender.  
“Thought so,” Bucky smiled lying back.  
“You’re out of practice though soldier. I totally had you on the ropes for a bit,” Steve smirked and quickly reached for a pillow before Bucky could lunge at him again. The sergeant shook his head laughing and then paused to look at Steve.  
“I love you kid. You know that right?” Bucky said running a hand through his own short chestnut hair.  
“Yeah I know Buck, I know.” Steve said snuggling up closer to his boyfriend.  
The taller boy placed a lingering kiss on Steve’s light hairline.  
“More than anything,” Bucky said.  
“Mhmm, but I love you more,” Steve assured looking up.

Bucky gazed at Steve’s innocent crystal clear blue eyes as he leaned forward slowly. They’d kissed so many times before but this time it felt more real. With Steve’s hand timidly reaching for Bucky’s neck and heat radiating from both men’s bodies, they both knew this wasn’t a normal kiss. More like a promise. 

“Steve I really really love you,” Bucky said quietly.  
“I know Bucky. I love you too,” Steve replied and their lips met hastily.

Bucky’s arms worked their way around Steve’s waist as the shorter boy wrapped his firmly around Bucky’s neck. Their lips played push and pull for a while until Bucky’s teeth gently pulled at Steve’s lower causing the blonde to smile onto Bucky’s mouth.

“Ugh don’t do that, it’s too cute,” Bucky sighed as he merged his lips quickly back onto Steve’s before the scrawny boy could answer. Steve did it again and Bucky smiled back. The kiss was drawn out by both boys as it got sloppier and more about keeping them touching and less about kissing. 

“Bucky don’t go again. I don’t wanna miss this,” Steve breathed as his hands wandered around Bucky’s chest trying to memorize every curve and dip.  
“I don’t want to Steve, I really don’t,” Bucky sighed looking at Steve helplessly.  
“They can’t take you away from me Bucky. You can’t go again,” Steve said sadly as he placed kissed across Bucky’s collarbone until he settled on resting his head on Bucky’s shoulder.  
“We still have a month Steve,” Bucky said in a faltering tone.  
“I don’t want a limit to how much time I have to love you Bucky. Heck it sounds fucking ridiculous as it is,” Steve whimpered.  
“It sure does punk,” Bucky admitted and pulled Steve back so that he could gaze at the clear blue eyes again. Steve gently tasted the soldier’s mouth as Bucky’s gaze got further and further away.  
“Hey, if we have a month I don’t want you leaving me for one minute,” Steve murmured snapping his fingers in front of Bucky’s blank eyes.  
“I’m here… I’m here Steve,” the taller man said but the passion of the kiss they had shared not two minutes ago was already replaced by a veil melancholy emotion.  
Steve sighed.  
“Fox & the Hound?” he asked naming his boyfriend’s favorite Disney film.  
“Gee, maybe something a little bit happier?” Bucky laughed sadly.  
“Three Stooges?” Steve asked smiling small.  
“Now we’re talking,” Bucky chuckled as Steve went to put in the DVD. 

Bucky loved how Steve knew exactly when to distract him from his own mind. He loved how Steve kept turning his head to make sure Bucky was still there. He loved all of Steve. The dimples, the scrawny frame, the soft full lips, the careless blonde hair; all of him.

“Whatcha thinkin bout saddo?” Steve teased with no smile on his mouth.  
“Nothin. Everything. More than everything. You.” Bucky smiled.  
“Well I’m honored,” Steve laughed and jumped back onto the couch.  
Bucky picked up the remote and quickly started the movie as they both settled down.  
Steve played around with the pillows for the first ten minutes of the movie and tried talking to Bucky after another five.  
“Buckyyy,” he’d whined.  
“Shhh, let’s enjoy it while it lasts,” the soldier smiled and it took Steve one look at his boyfriend’s downhearted eyes to know he wasn’t just talking about the movie.


	3. I Guess We're Falling Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sadness :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter did not leave me happy. Hope you're enjoying the story so far though!

“So this is it Buck eh… Our last night,” Steve said quietly as he lay in bed with Bucky.  
“Only for a bit Steve. I’ll be back,” the brown haired soldier replied mirthlessly.  
“Yeah well a bit for me is very different than it is for you.” The blonde muttered snuggling closer to his soon to be gone bedmate.  
Bucky sighed sadly and curled deeper into Steve.  
“Mm,” Steve whined puckering his lips for a goodnight kiss before they both fell asleep. Bucky happily obliged caressing Steve’s golden head as he softly touched their mouths together.  
“Night Buck. I miss you already,” Steve murmured sleepily.  
Bucky closed his eyes and furrowed his brows before responding, “Same here Steve. I wish I didn’t have to go.”

The pair uneasily fell asleep. Neither wanting to be unconscious while the other was still close. But it happened; eventually all that filled the room was the soft sound of the men’s breathing and a melancholy atmosphere of what was to come.

 

“Hey buddy,” Bucky piped quietly at the still sleeping Steve. The blonde mess groaned reaching for the soldier.  
“I’m here Steve… I’m here,” Bucky said offering Steve his forearm.  
Steve took it a yanked with surprising force so Bucky fell back onto the bed.  
“Bucky,” the shorter man said enunciating the name carefully to keep it close just a little bit longer.  
“Bucky… Don’t go,” Steve whispered and in seconds he was sobbing.  
“Bucky don’t go don’t go don’t go. Bucky don’t go. They don’t need you as much as I do. Stay here. Stay here Bucky don’t go,” Steve cried sitting up.  
It was all Bucky could do to cry as well and hold the blonde boy as they both fell apart.

The brown haired man gently touched Steve’s face as their sobbing eased into occasional hiccups.

“Hey S-Steve… I’m gonna write. And then w-write some more. I’m gonna write so much it’ll be like I’m still here. We’ll pretend okay. We’ll pretend I’m not killing p-people. We’ll pretend Steve.” Bucky promised urgently, hands lingering on Steve’s skin. Memorizing the softness of it. Trying to contain its warmth.  
“I don’t wanna pretend Bucky. I want you here,” Steve voiced in a barely audible sob.  
“I don’t want to either but Steve… It’s the only way. I need you to do this for me. I want to know you’re back here happy. Happy as you can be on your own. I need that okay? Can’t have both of us miserable right?” Bucky tried, forcing a weak smile.

Steve shook his head. He sank back into the bed, eyes blank but not daring to leave Bucky. The soldier sighed and started to dress. Steve never once looked away. He tried to capture every movement Bucky made. The ripple of his muscles as he slipped on the dreaded uniform, his hand grabbing for the bed post as he balanced trying to slip off his night pants. Everything. Steve wanted to keep all his movements in that room.

As Bucky finally slapped on the hat, he turned and looked at Steve. 

“You gonna come outside with me?” he asked.

Steve only stared; the downward twitch of his mouth was the only hint that he was feeling anything at all.

“Steve please, I can’t leave like this…” Bucky pleaded, blue eyes brimming with a downpour.

Steve didn’t want to respond. He wanted to shut down. Sleep until the scene changed. Sleep until Bucky was walking into the room six months later. But he knew he had to reassure Bucky somehow. Groaning softly, he got up and covered the distance between him and his boyfriend. Steve felt like a robot. He didn’t feel anything at all. He was already shutting down. One last time he tasted Bucky’s lips but Steve didn’t really taste anything at all. He was gone.

Bucky desperately tried to put some emotion into the kiss that Steve wasn’t really participating in.

“Steve,” he choked as the shorter man pulled back and stumbled back onto the bed, eyes refusing to meet Bucky’s. “Bye Bucky. Write. I love you,” Steve said in near monotone with a plastic smile.  
“Bye Steve. I’ll write, I promise. I love you…” Bucky said as his heart slowly tore itself apart. 

He wasn’t even talking to Steve anymore. The blank eyes that continued to stare downwards defiantly didn’t belong to his Steve. Bucky bit back from saying anything more in hopes that Steve would reappear and respond. The blonde figure on the bed only nodded in sign that he had heard Bucky at all. Steve wasn’t about to give the soldier a response. Bucky felt tears threaten to fall all over again and quickly grabbed his bag. He walked towards the door, all the while hoping for some kind of acknowledgment that he was leaving. Bucky even dared a quick glance back as he moved to close the wooden frame. Nothing met his eyes. Just a lifeless unmoving body that didn’t seem to even know he was there. Bucky sighed closing the door and started walking away. Out of the house and away from Steve; his chest growing heavier with each step.

When the soldier’s back was safely facing him and the window separated them both. Steve dared to look. He watched as his best friend walked away from him. Watched until Bucky wasn’t there anymore and then tried to determine how he felt. This was how it would be from now on. How did it feel? Steve’s legs dangled pathetically over the bed that was now all his. How did it feel? Steve’s kind face seemed to lose its brightness all at once. How did it feel? The petite man’s body answered the question for him as it started to shake. It shook uncontrollably. Steve watched it with lifeless eyes. Watched it as his feet hit the floor and body curled into fetal position. Felt it as his heart pounded and tears escaped from the part of his brain that held Bucky so tightly it hurt. Heard it in his jagged breathing and mumbled words. Tasted it as his tongue tried remembering what it had been savouring just moments ago. That was how it felt. Like a pitiful baby being separated from its mother. Like everything, all at once, held no more meaning. Like nothing. Like pure agony. Like the world exploding into a universe that didn’t even look to watch it die. That’s how Steve felt when Bucky walked away.


	4. Thinking About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's first letter to Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is short and the grammar is terrible but I just tried writing it like I imagined Bucky would. Hope you like it.

Dear Steve,

I’m sorry. They told me I could only write once a week not including the one I left. Things have been okay. Lots of prepping and drinking. I miss you… Sometimes I even wonder what it would be like with you here. Then I stop. I don’t want you here Steve. I want you safe. Heck I’d love to be safe now. Re-watching the three stooges with my head on your lap in our nice little house. I’d love that. Do you remember that time you kept bugging me about reading so many comic books and not spending enough time with you? I should’ve listened Steve. Right now what I want more than anything is to be with you. 

The guys here are wasted. They act like they’re all waiting for someone to wake em up and say this is all a dream. That they can’t really die… I wish it were true. I wish I could wake em up Steve. Next weeks going to be so much tougher. Missions and morbid stuff I don’t wanna talk about. These guys hate it too. I can tell. Most of my troop is actually gay Steve. I think you’ll smile at that. It’s all secret of course but I walked into this young lad called Stanley full on making out with a tough bearded fella. They freaked out. I smiled and told them about you. They might die Steve. I might regret ever befriending em. I need the company though you know? And talking to company about you is a happy thing. I tell them about how you look. You’re hurricane of soft golden hair and pale skin. I tell them how you never notice yourself doing it but you lick your lips a lot in the winter. And your lips get so chapped. It almost hurts to kiss you. But I wouldn’t stop for the world. I love you Steve. I tell them that too. They smile when I say that. “I love him you know? He’s worth living for.” They like it when I’m cheesy. Makes us all feel a little warmer. It’s nice Steve… It’s nice. But god when those conversations end and we blink and remember where we are…

Stanley burst out crying like a baby one time. Said he wanted out. I told him to suck it up. We all wanted out. “Don’t you think I’d rather be with my boyfriend in Brooklyn than with a bunch of queer emotional men?” I told him that. I apologized later. Offered him a cigarette. We all smoke here. Like we want to die faster. But I’m living for you Steve. I love you. It’s getting dark. I can barely see my own body. I better stop writing then. I hope you get this soon. Write back please Steve… 

Wait it out bud, I’ll be back,

Bucky


	5. Worth The Trouble Of Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's life without Bucky and a response letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are enjoying the chapters. I'll try to keep posting every other day... Sorry that this chapter wasn't too long but at least it's not so depressing... XD

Steve read Bucky’s letter seven times before he stopped counting and was bent on just savoring the words. He’d been worried that Bucky wasn’t going to write again and it was a relief being told he just wasn’t allowed. The small blonde man smiled each time he read about Bucky’s gay soldiers and couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy when Bucky mentioned Stanley. Why did that young kid get to spend so much more time with Bucky than himself? Bucky’s actual fucking boyfriend… It wasn’t fair. But Bucky was talking about him… thinking about him… living for him. That made all the difference to Steve. Knowing Bucky was still his… that the distance was only a physical barrier. Steve thought the distance was funny. 

There was ultimately just plain old air between them. People and cars and stuff sure but dodging all that… just air. He’d never realized how depriving the stuff could be. The blonde took a deep breath sucking up as much air as he could manage. Trying to lessen the amount between him and Bucky. He kept breathing. It felt good. Like Bucky was getting a little closer… but then he started feeling light-headed and stopped. Bucky would’ve laughed at him. Told him he was a poetic goofball. He wanted to hear those words aloud. He wished he could. He decided to write Bucky back. Even though he really didn’t want to. Even though he knew Bucky would catch the shaky pen marks before he even started reading. Steve put Bucky’s letter down reluctantly. He’d buy a folder later on. Keep all of Bucky’s letter in em. Make sure Bucky wrote him 23 pages. (He’d already calculated how many letters Bucky would write if he could only do so once a week for six months not including the one he left). Steve was being beyond clingy and he knew it but who could blame him? His boyfriend had just been taken away from him and Steve was practically a pending widow. He didn’t even know if Bucky would come back to him and that’s what tortured him the most. The thought of a coffin or letter or knock on his door with bad news. It broke Steve. Shattered him. Hurt.

Sighing he fumbled in the dining room table drawer for paper and a pen. He wasn’t even completely sure what he’d say but Steve knew it would come when he started writing.

"Bucky,

I love you more than anything. I’m glad everything’s okay. Don’t get too drunk without me. I’d be mortified if Stanley saw how hopeless my boyfriend is when he’s drunk. Fucking easy fish to catch you are Buck. Wasted drunk. I’ve been drinking too. For the same reasons I’m betting you guys are. I’ve been at home most of the time. Thinking about you. Have you ever thought about how there’s so much air between us. Sometimes I try breathe it all in so you’d be forced to come back to me for more. You’ll roll your eyes at that. You would’ve made some sarcastic joke at that. Please do… See it’s difficult here without you but I’m coping. Only cuz you want me too. God knows it’s true.

I can’t believe you never told me about my winter lips. I don’t want you to kiss me if it hurts. Look who was being a dumb poet then! (I’ll give you a hint… He’s left his boyfriend in Brooklyn). You’d call me passive aggressive for that line Buck. I know you would. I feel like I should add a little happy anecdote of my own for you. Make it cheesy enough for you to crave somma my mac & cheese. Here I go.

Remember when you read so many comic books I told you to spend more time with me? I’m glad you didn’t listen because I got to glare at you instead. In my glaring, I discovered something awfully unique about you Buck. After every page you read, you skim the whole thing again. Savoring it. Making sure you got it all. Nearly trying to memorize everything. Awful waste of time it is. But it’s like our relationship. A happy waste of time. (No I’m not being passive aggressive). I just mean you’re my comic book Buck. I’d read you fifty times over and still skim just to make sure I’ve caught all your quirky habits. You’re my guilty pleasure. The comic book everyone tells me to stop reading so much. But I love you Buck. So I keep on reading. I wouldn’t stop for the world… I’d never get sick of it… Of you. God I miss you jerk. I’m waiting it out but it already feels like years. So there’s my letter Buck. My anecdote. My response. I’ve written back. I’m living for next Monday. When I can eat up more of your words. They make me happy Bucky. Please keep writing. It might get harder but it keeps me sane…

Love you Buck… Stay tough, 

Steve"

The Brooklyn-born boy frowned at his letter. It seemed almost too uppity to be true. But if Bucky needed happiness… Steve would provide it. He’d do his best for Bucky. Always would. He’d mail the letter first thing the next morning. Maybe even dare to step outside. Smile at the neighbours. Let em know he was alive. He’d keep trying for Bucky. Not let him be fighting for nothing… Steve would try. It’s what he did best anyways.


	6. Don't Make It Harder On Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stanley and Bucky drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a long chapter! Ohmygod achievement XD Hope you guys like it! There's like no Steve in this but I needed to write something giving a more solid foundation on who Stanley was. So um yeah!

“Don’t move! Stanley, don’t you fucking move!” Bucky yelled.

Stanley closed his eyes as his heart continued to pound. He wanted so bad to look that his head must’ve risen a bit.

“Stanley I said don’t fucking move. I put a bullet in him or he puts one in you. You pick.” Bucky growled and Stanley hastily crouched lower.

They waited for a couple more agonizing seconds while the enemy soldier shot at the ground near the ditch they were hiding in but then it happened… Bucky stood up with lighting speed and Stanley grimaced at the gunshot that followed.

“Done deal my friend. We’re good for now,” Bucky said offering Stanley a hand.  
“Y’all alright?!” the Brooklyn soldier yelled to a chorus of positive responses.  
“Good we’re heading east then. Move!” he yelled again beginning to walk.  
“I hate it when we fight hiding Bucky. There’s so much anxiety…” Stanley said as means of conversation while he tried to keep up with Bucky’s long strides.  
“Gotta do what we gotta do. Wanna get home alive don’t you?” The brown haired man responded grim faced.  
“I guess,” Stanley said and both men were quiet as they continued walking.

Bucky’s troop moved with two tanks and fiftyish men on foot. They tended to travel until it was too dark to keep going and fight only when necessary. With such a small squad Bucky normally ordered their attacks to be done hiding. It was too much of a risk to emerge out of the trees with only two tanks. They’d probably get laughed at. Bucky wished they were back at a major base already. He longed for the safety of bigger troops.

“Can we stop for the night Bucky?” Stanley asked in a half shout from the back where he had drifted throughout their march.  
“Eh why not.” Bucky said and abruptly stopped much to the gratitude of all his soldiers.

It was a warm moonlit night so they decided to just lie down where they were and call it camp.  
Naturally Stanley ended up near Bucky. They were friends regardless that Bucky was older, smarter and in a higher position than the young timid boy.

“Hey kid,” Bucky smiled as Stanley edged closer to him.  
“Hi…” Stanley replied and lied down next to the relaxed older man.  
“We should be making it to a base by sunset tomorrow… Finally gonna have a bed… and maybe even a letter from Steve. I hope there’s no fights tomorrow…” Bucky said airily in broken sentences as he always did when Steve was on his mind.  
“I hope so too… Buck. I’m actually waiting on a letter as well,” Stanley piped in his naturally nervous voice.  
“That right Stanny? From who?” the sergeant mumbled fumbling with a cigarette and lighter.  
“My pops. Said he’d say something. I doubt the base has the letters though… You know how messy that shit is to get sorted,” Stanley sighed holding his own cigarette out for Bucky to light.

Bucky lighted it obligingly and nodded sympathetically. Stanley was completely right and it killed Bucky knowing that Steve could’ve written and he might not even find out.

The two men smoked in silence wrapped up in their own individual thoughts until the cigarettes had nearly burned out.  
Bucky sat up and Stanley smiled ready for what was quickly becoming they’re nightly tradition.

“Ready?” Bucky asked relighting both their cigarette stubs to make them glow a little brighter  
“Mhmm,” Stanley said wincing at the stubs’ heat.  
“1, 2, 3!” Bucky counted and they threw the stubs together. The men threw them high in the air, as high as they could get them so that for a second, they could almost imagine the stubs being the sun… The sun, edging surprisingly close to the earth at what was supposed to be night, and burning. Burning everything. All the bad and all the good. Demolishing all of what humanity had built. God forbid it actually happening because they’d all die if the sun moved at all but it was beautiful to imagine. Especially for Stanley who didn’t particularly like humanity much anyways. After all, humanity was what had caused him to end up fighting for his life… He’d like seeing it gone and being replaced by the simple serenity of nature.

Bucky smiled as the stubs came down a foot or two away from them and looked at Stanley.

“Sad ain’t it. How they’re flying for a minute and then fall head first back onto this goddam ground…” Bucky said still smiling lightly.

Stanley nodded quietly gazing at Bucky. He knew he shouldn’t feel it but he was feeling something more than friendship for the older soldier. Feeling it so strongly as he watched the man’s small smile shrink till it was almost dead. Feeling it as Bucky patted him on the solider; clearly mistaking his expression for one of sadness. Bucky was so good. Stanley couldn’t help himself… He leaned forward and without thinking, gently touched his lips to Bucky’s.

“What the fuck?” Bucky hissed eyes narrowing as he backed away from the young soldier.  
“I-I’m sorry… I’m so sorry Bucky!” Stanley gasped unable to comprehend what he had just done. Had he really kissed Bucky? What the hell was wrong with him?  
“Stanley I have a boyfriend… And I love him more than anything in this entire world. Do you understand that? I thought I’d made that clear. He’s what I’m living for Stanley. You’re just a kid. A good kid but I don’t like you like that Stanley. I don’t know what made you think I did…” Bucky uttered quickly still shocked at what the younger boy had just done.  
“Bucky I’m sorry. I didn’t mean too. I really didn’t mean too… I just, I don’t know. I’m sorry.” Stanley whispered quietly standing up.

Bucky shrugged. He didn’t know what to think. It was like being kissed by your son. Stanley was just a kid…

“I think it’s best if I slept near someone else tonight,” Stanley said as he carefully edged away… upset that he’d ruined the best friendship he’d made in the army.  
“Kid it’s not your fault… You’re lonely… I get it. It’s just. I love Steve. Like I really fucking love him. And I’m not mad. I guess you’re just confused… Yeah confused, trying to hang onto someone. You’re still so young… I’m sorry you’re even here Stan. I really am… The army’s no place for a kid,” Bucky said trying to reassure Stanley as best as he could that he wasn’t upset.  
“Yeah… Yeah whatever Buck. I’m sorry. I know you love Steve. I get it. I just… I wish someone loved me like that you know…” Stanley said but before Bucky could respond the young boy was already walking away.  
“God fucking damn it,” Bucky muttered under his breath.

The last thing he needed was a depressed kid in his troop. He did not want anyone stepping into the enemy’s line of fire. God fucking damn it. Why was such a young kid in the army in the first place? They couldn’t handle it… Bucky barely could himself.

He sighed quietly lying back down onto the grass. Steve would know what to say. He’d had made it easy. Re-assured Stanley… Made Bucky laugh. Made the whole place glow. That’s just who Steve was and god did Bucky miss it. He missed it so bad.

He wondered what he’d say to Stanley the next day… He wondered if Stanley would even allow a conversation to get going. Poor kid. Poor queer depressed kid. Sad enough as he was the small thing. He didn’t need war on top of it all. Bucky shook his head absentmindedly. He hated the army. Hated it so bad. He’d known it from day one but after the scene with Stanley… Well he was more than certain. Stan was too young. Too confused. Cruel thing to put such a nervous kid like that in a foreign country. Fucking cold-blooded.

Bucky lit another cigarette.

He’d probably just smoke the night out. Steve hated smoker’s breath but Bucky’d stop when it was edging closer to his turn to go home. If he even was going home.  
He could be dead in a second for all he knew. Fucking depressing stuff the army was.  
Bucky’s thoughts went on like that for a while and after the seventh cigarette in his chain-smoking episode, he decided he actually was going to sleep. He needed it. So stretching out on the ground, he looked up at the stars. Wondering if maybe things were any better up there…

 

When Bucky woke up, it was still dark. He yawned feeling as if he hadn’t slept at all which was mostly true.

“Up we get!” He boomed receiving a ripple of groans.  
“Earlier you get up, the earlier we’ll be at the base!” He said and everyone seemed to shut up, scurrying to get ready.  
“Thought so,” Bucky mumbled and stretched quickly before starting to walk.

Everyone seemed to be in a better mood since it was likely that they’d reach a bed that night. Even Bucky, who was normally quite reserved, found himself laughing with a couple of guys. He’d look back every so often to check that Stanley was okay but all he caught were glimpses of the kid’s scrawny frame.

As the soon as the sun reached it’s highest peak he ordered a lunch break. The soldiers were almost reluctant to stop with the promise of real shelter so close but they all ate happily regardless. Bucky moved to reach Stanley as everyone chatted and ate in what was ultimately a promising day. Finally finding him, Bucky sat.

“Well you’re alone,” the taller man said as means of a greeting.  
“Not exactly feeling sociable,” Stanley replied sarcastically.  
“Listen, about last night…” Bucky started but Stanley cut him off.  
“I’m just a kid and you love Steve and you hope it’s all good. Nice speech Bucky. I get it. I’m not hurt. I don’t know why I did it. I’m glad that everything’s good between us but you can hardly say everything’ll be the same…” the young kid said icily.  
“Grow up,” Bucky said seriously much to both of their surprise.  
“What?” Stanley asked confused.  
“I said grow up Stanley. You kissed me. So what? You don’t have to go all grumpy angsty teenager on me. It happened. I said we’re good. No it’s not gonna be the same you’re right but grow the fuck up. Don’t avoid me or be anti-social or wallow in the pits of some depressing mood.” Bucky snapped.

Stanley raised his eyebrows almost in self-defense.

“I didn’t mean to come off like that,” Stanley said quickly.  
“Yeah I know but you did so just apologize and be nice. None of us can help being in the army kid. None of us like it. And besides all the fighting… We had an awkward moment but that doesn’t mean you’re suddenly privileged to take out your mood out on me. On anyone here actually… Stanley you’re a good kid so please act like it. Everyone loves you,” Bucky continued.

Stanley nodded.

“I’m sorry you’re right. It’s just I’m not used to it. Acting like an adult. It’s… different you know Buck?” Stanley replied.  
“Yeah I’m sorry it’s happening to you kid. I like you. I really do. I’m sorry if I was harsh for a second. It’s just… I could do without all the high-school drama you know?” Bucky shrugged.

Stanley nodded again. All of a sudden the atmosphere between them melted into something resembling companionship again.

“Thanks for keeping it real Buck,” the scrawnier man said and Bucky took that as an end of conversation cue. 

It had been such a short exchange of words. Bucky was surprised that he’d accomplished to reestablish their friendship at all. Surprised but grateful. He needed the friends and Stanley needed the support.

“Come on. Get up! We’re walking.” Bucky yelled and they all started moving forwards again.

Bucky edged back to the front of the line but now, when he looked back to check on Stanley, he was met with a happy nod. Everything was swiftly more bearable. As bearable as it could be with Steve still back in Brooklyn. But Bucky couldn’t think like that. He couldn’t afford it. He had to focus on the letter he might be getting that night. He had to. It was the only way he managed to appear sane.


	7. Light During The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's life at home in Brooklyn + a new character.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this is a day late! Hope you like it as much as I liked writing it though. :]

Steve had become a regular at his local liquor store much to the disdain of all his closest friends. Natasha Romanoff, the ballerina that was his favorite neighbor claimed she could smell him coming from a mile away. Apparently… he was over-drinking.

“God have mercy Steve. You reek of vodka,” she exclaimed loudly as he walked over to her.

It was one in the after noon and the half drunk Steve was walking back from his now daily trip to the liquor store.

“Hey Nat. How’s Clint?” He asked ignoring her statement. It was all he’d been hearing for the past week.  
“How about how am I? Or even better, you don’t actually ignore my statement on the vodka and stop drinking?” She hissed arching an eyebrow.

Steve sighed. He loved her, he really did but Nat was a bit of a bitch. She tended to be when you reached their level of friendship. Natasha was always sarcastic and intriguing when you first met her but after you’d established a friendship with her, she’d be so completely honest it was scary. Steve remembered when he’d first known that Nat was officially his friend back about two years ago. She’d stumbled over to him in the middle of the street groaning loudly about her period.

“Fucking nuisance all this shedding my insides shit is. I’m not a fucking sheep,” She’d said and he’d gone embarrassingly red. 

Nat had proceeded to slap the money into his hand and ask him to buy her five big packets of Kotex which Steve obligingly did… Though of course, he’d given her back the money because that’s just who he was.

“Nat’s on her period and I just bought her five packets of the biggest Kotex packs in the drugstore,” Steve had announced to Bucky when he’d gotten back.  
“Classy,” was Bucky’s only and immediate response.

Steve smiled at the memory.

“Why are you smiling at me?” Natasha asked as Steve returned from his reminiscing.  
“Mm? Nothing. You’re just an interesting woman Nat,” Steve said trying to cover up his most recent wave of nostalgia.  
“Yeah okay, whatever, Rogers stop drinking. I mean it. I’ll see you around okay? And I’m good thanks for still not asking and Clint is braving the flu.” She spurted in broken sentences already distracted by another friend she’d caught sight of down a block.  
“I’ll bring down some more medicine and tissues and stuff for him,” Steve offered but Natasha had already jogged away and was busy engaging her other friend, a petite brunette, in conversation.

Steve suddenly felt a million times worse. He wasn’t interesting to talk to. Nat had obviously been worried about him but she was just being a good person like that. He doubted she would’ve stuck around even if the small brunette hadn’t shown up. Steve was becoming a bore. The usual charm that attracted the attention of nearly everyone close to him was fading. Fading with the scent of Bucky from the bed. Fading like the sarcastic comments that didn’t greet him when he entered his house. Steve was fading. And suddenly, he realised he really wasn’t anything much without Bucky.

Head low, Steve started walking wrapped up in thoughts of self-misery. He didn’t know that he’d walked back to the liquor store until he was paying for another Spirytus vodka.

“Sheesh blondie. You were here five minutes ago,” the youngish attractive man behind the counter clucked handing Steve his change.  
“Guess I’m not too good at life alone,” Steve shrugged tossing the boy a sad smile.  
“Cheer up. Your boyfriend isn’t dead like my pa. Better off than me,” the man piped, genuinely not fishing for sympathy but rather highlighting Steve’s superior situation.

Steve looked at the man and saw that his name was Jeff; such an ill-fitting name for the green eyed red haired boy that stood in front of him.

“Thank you I think. And I’m sorry about your pops. Must be hell running this place on your own,” Steve said carefully as he started walking away.  
“Not like I’ve got anything else to do with my life,” the Jeff sighed.  
“Are you kidding me? You look like fucking Peter Pan in the real person movie. Except your hair is that much better.” Steve said comforting the stranger in a way only Steve knew how to comfort people.

The boy blushed shaking his head at Steve’s slightly outgoing half-drunk comments.

“I mean it Jeff, you could be anything. Heck if I wasn’t busy pining for Bucky every minute of my life I might have tried flirting with you,” Steve said honestly.  
“My name’s Jett blondie,” the boy said rolling his eyes but tossed Steve the fond smile that nearly everyone reserved for Steve.  
“Woops. Wasted at noon. I’m so gone,” the scrawny man laughed feeling slightly better since Jett had actually bothered to talk to him.  
“Might wanna watch that you don’t fade away blondie. Guys like me need people like you in this world. Keep us sympathetic. Give us a reason to smile you do,” Jett offered frankly.

Steve smiled meekly. Jett had obviously gotten it all wrong. Steve didn’t make people smile. He made them want to protect him. He made people tired with his need of protection. He made everyone feel sympathetic for him and that’s the last thing he wanted.

“Thanks Jett but I think you’ve got it wrong… Guys like me are useless to most people. We hold everyone back. Make them feel guilty when they leave. Truth is, y’all are probably better off without us… And my name’s Steve by the way. Steve Rogers.” he said ruffling a hand apologetically through his hair and shrugging his bony shoulders.

“Naw blondie don’t you go doing that to me. Guys like you show people like me that we can be better. That we can have futures. That someone supports us. Guys like you are sweet and small and kind. A perfect contradiction to daily life. I love people like you blondie. The emotional ones. The real ones. It’s inspiring,” Jett voiced sincerely.  
The sad Steve carefully gave Jett a half-smile. A timid insecure twist of his mouth that demonstrated just how badly he’d been needing words like that. Words that Bucky would normally be providing.

“And you’re blondie to me blondie. You can be all manly man Steve Rogers to that Bucky of yours. To your friends. But to me you’re blondie,” Jett added throwing Steve a half smile of his own.  
“Thanks Jett… For… For making me less miserable… Tell that gal of yours she better appreciate having you before I come knocking on her door,” Steve said referring to the time a pretty young girl had rung him up at the register but continued to yell at Jett who was presumably in the back.  
“Laila? Don’t kid yourself blondie, she’s my best friend. A bitch of a best friend but the day she starts being nice to me is the day I know she doesn’t like me anymore. She’s honest. An honest bitch. Love her for it but no way would I date Laila,” Jett laughed causing his red mop of hair to dance.  
“You never know,” Steve winked remembering how he never thought he’d end up with Bucky. Offensive, cocky, manly Bucky. The utter goofball… His best friend.  
“Oh trust me, I know. Laila’s just something else…” Jett smiled.

Steve shrugged but waved goodbye with a grin on his face as he walked out. Jett was a good guy. He’d made Steve feel that much better and for that, Steve was grateful.

“You’re alright Jett. You’re alright,” Steve mumbled under his breath as started heading home.

So alone, the blonde man walked, swinging his plastic bag full of liquor and whistling an unrecognizable tune. He wasn’t miserable. Thanks to Jett he wasn’t miserable. And his state of neutral discontent emphasised how hard he was trying for Bucky. How he would always try. Because boy did Steve know that he’d try till he died for the mess of a soldier he needed home.


	8. Nobody Knows The Way I Need You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letters and bashful Bucky Barnes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go. Hope you enjoy.

The day after Bucky arrived at the major base, he started asking around for where he could find letters. Everyone seemed to point him in a different direction but consistently throughout, the name Wall was repeated. So, Bucky instead started asking for Wall’s tent, which, he in fact found soon enough as it was small and isolated in the big camp. As he stood about to enter the tent, Bucky took note to offer a cigarette to the boy who had pointed him in the right direction.

Nervously strolling in, Bucky shyly called, “Mr. Wall?”

“Sergeant Barnes! Your young friend Stanley came in earlier saying I should expect you. Asked about a letter from his pa he did,” Wall boomed personably as he stood up. Wall had already gone grey and was almost comically hidden behind a large brown desk stacked with bundles of mail.  
“He’s a good kid,” Bucky nodded as response.

“So am I looking for a Mrs. Barnes?” Wall asked after a pause of awkward silence.

Bucky blushed and attempted to look composed as he shook his head from left to right.

“A… A Steve… Steve Rogers please… Mr. Wall,” he said bashfully.

Wall eyed him curiously as he started to dig for the letter.

“He a friend? Steve?” Wall asked, casually trying to strike up conversation as he searched.  
“Yeah. Yeah he is. My best friend actually,” Bucky babbled nervously tapping his foot.  
“Like a brother eh?” The grey-headed man asked nonchalantly.

Bucky blushed deeper and a slightly high-pitched noise left his mouth.  
Wall stopped searching and looked at him thoughtfully. 

“Maybe not like a brother so much as a lover?” Wall asked completely unashamed as he watched Bucky’s face nearly catch fire.

Bucky nodded slightly and tried to cover up the complete awkwardness of the situation with a cough.

“No queer-fear here my friend,” Wall boomed merrily and Bucky grimaced. Had the older man really just said that?  
“Anyway, I’ve found it!” the frank man continued and handed Bucky an envelope.

Bucky took it and was overcome with relief that Wall actually had it. He quickly thanked the man and exited the tent.  
As he grabbed lunch and sat slightly turned away from the other soldiers, he read Steve’s familiar writing. Bucky smiled lightly throughout and frowned when he’d finished it because all of a sudden, it seemed too short. So, like he apparently read comic books, Bucky skimmed the whole thing again. Absorbing Steve and feeling slightly funny.

“Y’all right Buck?” said a familiar voice and Bucky quickly looked up to find Stanley standing in front of him.  
“Letter from Steve… I’ll talk to you later,” Bucky choked out, all of a sudden close to tears as he walked to the room he’d sleep in that night. It was empty since most men were out smoking or talking to other men as it was only three in the afternoon.

Bucky quietly sat down on the edge of his bed and started to let out muffled sobs. He missed the small blonde man he’d left at home desperately. He needed him desperately. Bucky longed for the feeling of Steve’s small fragile body curled up against him in the middle of a New York winter. Pined for the familiar fresh blue of Steve’s eyes as the skin around them crinkled when he laughed. He missed Steve miserably.   
Bucky decided to write back in the middle of his moment of sadness so that it’d feel like he was actually talking to Steve.

"Dear my miserably poetic goofball of a boyfriend," He started, after finding some paper and a pencil.

"Is it possible to die of missing someone? Because if it is, then I’m already a ghost. It’s hard here Steve. Sad and proud and dangerous and confusing all at once. If I had to pick one word to describe what I feel like here it’d be alone. The guys here are great but we don’t actually know each other. It’s like we smile and laugh together to pretend we’re somewhere else with people we actually want to be around. For me it’s you. Always and only and terrifyingly you. You who actually fantasises about bringing me back by breathing in all the oxygen around you… For the record, I’m pretty sure you’d faint like a melodramatic Victorian governess before I even realized I needed more air. I mean, let’s face it, you’re the one who almost dies like five times every year anyway. (How’ve you been faring health-wise by the way? I hate not being there to look after you). 

Remember Stanley? I think I told you about him… He kissed me a couple days ago. I didn’t kiss him back. I just lectured him and he walked away. It was awkward for a bit but he’s emphasized that he didn’t actually like me was just lonely so we’re talking again. He’s young Steve. Like 19. Didn’t know what he was doing. Just wanted comfort I guess… Just thought I’d share that with you. I hope you don’t get mad over it. It was completely unexpected. I mean, you’re all I talk to him about anyway… So um. I don’t really have anything else that I’d like to tell you. It’s just not bearable talking about stuff here… So I guess I’ll leave it at that. I love you so much Steve… Please write back…

Yours and yours only,

Bucky"

The sergeant sighed once he’d finished the letter. He’d spend a minute alone before walking back to Wall and getting the paragraph sent off. He hoped it was enough for Steve. The spill of words. It was just too difficult talking about himself. His life in the war. Bucky closed his eyes and imagined he was home. He didn’t want to stop imagining until it was true. Not a morsel of Bucky Barnes wanted to open his eyes back into the world of war. But he did. Because it’s who he was. Who he’d always be.


	9. Anything For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pansexual Jett, drunk Clint and faithful Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little late but it's kinda long so I hope you like it!

“Hey… Clint…” Steve murmured entering Clint’s room cautiously with a large bag of medicine and vodka.

Clint turned sharply upon feeling the unexpected coolness as Steve entered the room while Steve himself welcomed the new heat. Natasha had apparently turned up the heating ruthlessly in an attempt for Clint to sweat the fever out regardless that her husband hadn’t been at all happy about it.

“Hi neighbor,” Clint greeted friendly enough.

Steve entered the room raising the bag of medicine slowly, unsure of what to expect of Clint that particular day. Clint was definitely moody in a completely sarcastic way.

“Medicine! Hope they work… Nat’s been killing me with the heat…” Clint said almost smiling.

But almost smiling wasn’t the real thing and so he rather looked like a boy left with the one person in his friend group that he never quite liked all the way regardless that he’d never admit it.

It wasn’t that Clint didn’t like Steve though. You’d have to be cold-blooded not to and it was that fact alone that made Clint uncomfortable. How did Steve manage to get everyone to like him? It was simply so otherworldly to Clint because in his case, almost everyone instantly _disliked_ him. When he’d brought his thoughts up with Nat a while back, she’d just called him insecure and he’d inevitably sunk further into his abyss of Steve disbelief.

Clint quickly shook away his slightly negative thoughts and took the bag of meds.  
He rummaged inside occasionally pulling out random little jars to see what they held.  
Steve watched patiently and was surprisingly met with a small laugh when Clint got to the vodka carefully placed at the bottom of the bag.

“Thank God for vodka!” Clint grinned, “Nat would kill us both if she saw this though… I guess it makes it all the more valuable.”

Steve smiled back though all of a sudden he was slightly frightened by the thought of an angry Natasha. He should’ve guessed Nat wouldn’t like the idea of her sick husband drinking but he really hadn’t been thinking about her when he’d packed the vodka. The drink was only there because Steve had remembered how it was Clint’s regular when they’d go out to a bar together. The scrawny blonde really just thought it would make a nice personal touch to the bugling bag of medication. Clint did in fact appreciate the vodka very much but by the time the drink was being poured, Steve almost wanted to make a fuss and take it back.

“Nat won’t mind too much if she finds it right?” the paler blonde asked.  
“She won’t find it,” Clint reassured.  
Steve nodded.  
“But if she does she won’t hate me?” he added nervously.  
“Oh she will. But she’ll hate me too,” Clint said jokingly.

Steve furrowed his eyebrows still slightly worried regardless that Clint seemed so laid back about it.

“Oh toughen up. It’s not like Nat’d beat you up or anything Steve,” Clint said but that only made Steve feel worse.

Steve enjoyed Clint’s company quite genuinely but he was never truly comfortable around the man. Clint tended to naturally give off a reckless vibe that inevitably led to slightly dangerous and drunk situations which Steve had had the horror of witnessing once or twice. Bucky was very much similar, but with the soldier Steve had always felt safe thanks to the well-known fact that Bucky would rather die than see Steve hurt. In Clint’s case, Steve very much doubted that he was safe 100% guaranteed and this made him uneasy since he’d grown up with people naturally feeling inclined to protect him.

“How’s the boyfriend?” Clint asked casually.  
“Bucky? He’s… faring I s’ppose,” Steve said as he thought back to Bucky’s letter. There would hopefully be a new letter the next morning if Bucky really did bother to write.  
“And the red-head you drink with?” Clint continued wearing a facial expression that showed he really didn’t care all too much.  
“What?” Steve asked blushing lightly.  
“The one who owns the liquor store. Everyone knows you’re spending time together,” Clint observed feeling slightly bad that he felt slightly good about making Steve uncomfortable.  
“Jett?” Steve asked shocked at how quickly word had gotten around.  
“Don’t look at me like that. We live in a very nosy neighborhood. I figured you’d understood that when you bought the house here with Buck,” Clint shrugged once again uninterested.  
“Jett’s my friend. And I’m like 90% sure he’s straight. No… Ohmygod do people think I’m seeing him? God I live with Bucky for heaven’s sake!” Steve moaned overcome with the stress of town gossip.  
“Calm down princess,” Clint barked, naturally disgusted by any displays of dramatic emotion.  
“Don’t be an asshole, I’m upset. Bucky’s everything to me. I can’t believe people think I’d cheat,” Steve continued, for once showing annoyance towards Clint.  
“What do you care what everyone thinks? If you’re not seeing Jett then you’re not. Nobody’s gonna call the police Steve,” Clint said rolling his eyes.  
“I know it’s just embarrassing… Now I have to tell Jett about it and it’s gonna be awkward and bloody hell… Why are people so nosy,” Steve whined.  
“Shut up Steve. You don’t have to tell Jett anything if you don’t want to. You’re reputation isn’t ruined or anything. People just talk, that’s what happens” the thicker man said irritated.  
“No you don’t understand. I have to because nobody else is gonna tell Jett and it would be awkward if he didn’t know…”  
“Well then tell him. Whatever. It’s not like the world is ending Steve.”  
“But it’s still awkward… Hey I know! You can come tonight when me and Jett go out for drinks. You’ll be my moral support!” Steve decided gleefully.  
“Woah what? No! What do you mean! I’m not getting involved in your gay drama Steve,” Clint said physically backing away as he raised his hands in defense.  
“No you’ve gotta Clint! It’d be strange if there were no one else to confirm that the town was talking. Like I was making it up to stop seeing him or something… Please?” Steve begged, unconsciously making puppy dog eyes.  
“Ohmygod stop that Steve. I’m sick for godsake!” Clint groaned looking away from Steve’s relentless blue eyes.  
“You’re drinking now! It’d just be a change in location!” Steve argued.

Clint sighed focusing again on Steve’s pure sky colored eyes. That was his first mistake because it meant that he had to say yes. No one could say no to Steve. It would feel like kicking a puppy. His second mistake was actually going to the bar and nodding along as Steve explained to Jett just what people thought of them.

Clint actually thought the night wouldn’t be too bad after all when Jett received the news calmly and basically restated that Steve shouldn’t care too much about what other people thought. Steve had nodded reluctantly and moved to take a sip of his drink and that’s when Clint committed his third mistake. Clint briefly looked at Jett as Steve moved and unfortunately caught the handsome red-head looking at Steve. Like really looking. Like gay looking. Clint had quickly looked away of course but he mentally started punching himself for every getting involved in Steve’s drama. It always no matter what led to some unsuspecting gay accidentally deciding they liked Steve. Like actually gayly openly liked him. Bucky’d had his fair share of emphasizing Steve’s unavailability to hopeful men along the years and it seemed, that he’d left the job for Clint. Sighing Clint drank nearly excessively as he waited for Jett to go to the bathroom so that he could tell Steve. His chance finally came at 1:48 in the morning and he quickly tried to explain Jett’s gayness to Steve.

“He’s what?” the pretty much sober Steve asked.  
“He’zzzzzz gayuh,” Clint slurred hearing the effects of his own drunkness and cringing.  
“Jett? No he’s not,” Steve said laughing.  
“He checkud you owwt idiuut,” Clint went on exasperated.  
“You’re drunk Clint. Jett’s straight,” Steve replied less confident than he’d been before.  
“I am drunkuh. But ayum not fucking stupid! He likus you!” Clint insisted but all of a sudden he was overcome with nausea and stumbled to the bathroom to throw up.  
“Woah Clint!” Jett said as Clint vomited into a urinal more or less professionally thanks to the amount of times it’d happened before.  
“I’m okay!” Clint yelled once he’d finished and was feeling slightly more stable.  
“We however are not!” he continued gesturing clumsily between Jett and himself.

Jett raised an eyebrow in question.

“You… are gay.” The blonde stated as if there was no possibility Jett wasn’t.  
“Not really,” Jett answered shrugging.  
“You… are bisexual.” Clint tried again.  
“Closer but not quite,” Jett smiled.  
“Ugh… Well you’re in lurve with Steve,” Clint said, immediately regretting the lurve.  
“I think Steve is attractive… Sure,” Jett nodded unashamed.  
“That… is not good. Steve is Bucky’s…” Clint voiced confidently.  
“Period.” He added for good measure.  
“Well Bucky’s not exactly here… He basically abandoned Steve,” Jett said.  
“No no. Bucky’s fighting in war. You know. To keep us safe? So Steve’s still not available.” Clint assured speaking to Jett as if he couldn’t possibly understand what war and long distance were.  
“Steve’s been drinking like crazy Clint. He’s depressed. What good is Bucky to him if he leaves Steve in such a state?” Jett tried and Clint thought hard but came to know response.  
“I’m here for him and I’d never leave… Isn’t that healthier?” Jett continued, “Clint, Bucky’s not enough for him…”  
“Okay and that’s done,” a new voice said and the two conversing men jumped shakily.  
“Steve.” Jett murmured sheepishly.  
“Bucky is the fucking love of my life and I don’t know who you are to think you could replace him Jett. I like you, I really do… But you’re completely delusional if you think you’re better than Bucky. No one’s better than Bucky.” Steve voiced going slightly red from repressed anger as he spoke.  
“He abandoned you Steve… I’ve been here for you… What do you call that?” Jett insisted.  
“Well, obviously I thought it was friendship but I was wrong. And just for the record, Bucky didn’t abandon me. He left for war to keep me and Clint and assholes like you safe… He’s better than the three of us put together so don’t you think for one minute that you can even begin to compare yourself to him. He’s the best man I know Jett. I love him pathetically and you definitely can’t change that,” Steve preached leaving Jett slightly red, hot and embarrassed.

The still drunk Clint commenced clapping as if he’d just witnessed a particularly touching musical and quickly stopped when he remembered he was in a pub bathroom with Steve and Jett.

“Whatever…” Jett muttered and hurried out.  
“Did I really just yell at him? Ohmygod Clint…” Steve mumbled as he hid his face in his hands.  
“Ohmygod,” Clint nodded in agreement.  
“I… wow… ohmygod…” Steve repeated.

Clint nodded again.

“You can’t get liquor there anymore,” Clint said seriously and Steve turned to him slowly before bursting out laughing.  
“Guess I can’t!” he chuckled.  
“Definitely,” Clint agreed still relatively serious in his slow-thinking state.  
“I destroyed him!” Steve claimed but he was still smiling.  
“Bam bam!” Clint yelled reenacting a more physical version of what Steve meant.  
“You’re a gem drunk Clint…” Steve grinned and Clint nodded again.  
“You… are pansexual,” Clint mumbled but Steve was already leading him out of the bathroom wrapped up in thoughts of how he could write all that had happened to Bucky.


	10. War, Plain & Complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's latest battle experience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is incredibly short but I thought where I ended it was honestly the best spot. Hope you like it!

“Holy fucking fuck…” Stanley muttered next to Bucky high up on a tree.  
“You’re like five Stanley, talk better,” Bucky muttered back in ironic terrible English. The conversation was the last thing on the soldiers’ minds though. They were about to be thrust into battle with a highly superior opposing force. Bucky swallowed meekly suddenly contemplating what it would be like to die in all its perspectives.

“Fucking fucks right though,” Bucky added, “Stanley I don’t think I ever really thought I’d die… I just kinda thought that I thought about it… I figure I was much more miserable than actually contemplating it though.”  
“Contemplating it for real now?” Stanley asked.  
“I s’ppose. It’s kinda impossible not to though. I mean, look at them…” Bucky mumbled.  
“Oh I think my eyes’d commit suicide if I looked anymore,” Stanley joked half-heartedly and all of a sudden Bucky felt sick.  
“Suicide ain’t a joke kid… and this sure as hell ain't funny.” The older soldier said curtly as the onslaught of primly dressed German soldiers approached.  
“Oh I know Buck. But if it were, this’d be the kicker,” Stanley replied and for a moment both men were over come in a wave of uncontrollable sadness.

They were the punch line to a suicide joke that some privileged old man had started somewhere in a comfortable government conference room. Because it was funny wasn’t it? Sending a nationful of adequate men to run off on a suicide mission just so that a rich man’s joke could be taken seriously. Funny except it really wasn’t.

'We’re the words before the laughter.’ Bucky thought feeling thoroughly used, “The chaotic laughter that will be the after math of this war.’

And that was the truth. Bucky and Stanley and everyone other soldier fighting were the not so funny reality that everyone forced a smile at because it’d be disrespectful not to. They were American soldiers. Fighting a war that could be avoided. Because dear lord could war always be avoided. But they were loyal men. So they fought. They were good men. So they fought.

“We’re not supposed to fucking be here Stanley,” Bucky said but before the younger boy could respond, the opposing troop reached them.  
“NOW!” Bucky yelled and all he could think of in that moment was some rich man back at home in a comfortable leather chair smiling at his own punchline.

“Fucking assholes,” Bucky growled and he was so overcome by his anger that he didn’t quite realize he was falling from his tree branch until the moment before everything went black.


	11. Flurry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> News on Bucky and lots of being inside Steve's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late and slightly short... I've been incredibly busy with dance but I should be posting pretty regularly until the story's done. I'm thinking it'll be finished at the end of this week or early next week anyway. Hope you like the chapter!

Steve was still lightly fuming and majorly ecstatic from Bucky’s latest letter when his doorbell rung. His first thought included an angry Natasha while his second was an apologetic Jett. What actually awaited him was neither.

“One sec!” Steve yelled as he ran a hand hurriedly through his hair and jogged towards the door.

A masculine voice half grunted in response and Steve’s next thought was a drunk Clint.

As he unlocked the door, Steve quickly straightened his shirt not wanting his company to see that he’d slept in his clothes.

However, his company far from cared and Steve went from anxious to nauseous in a blink upon seeing the unfamiliar man in uniform standing in front of him.

“Mr. Rogers?” the man said and Steve let out a muffled sob.  
“Mr. Rogers he’s not dead,” the man blurted rapidly, seeing Steve’s crumbling expression.  
“He’s not?” Steve asked forlornly attempting to dry his scattering of tears.  
“James Buchanan Barnes has been highly injured in battle,” the military officer went on, resuming to the professional voice he’d initially taken.  
Steve’s forehead creased in anxiety as he asked, “Bucky’s injured? How?”  
“Jame- Bucky… fell from a tree,” the man responded and Steve let out a genuine involuntary laugh.  
“Oh Bucky,” Steve said fondly still lightly smiling. They’d both fallen from tree countless times as children… Steve never thought it could possibly be a serious injury.  
“No I don’t think you quite understand Mr. Rogers… His left arm is completely paralyzed…” the officer stressed and the worried crease returned to Steve’s forehead.  
“Wait what… what happened. Is he coming back?” Steve asked confused.  
“Yes, he’s currently flying back but upon arrival Ja- Bucky will be sent straight to the hospital.”  
“Hospital? Wait what happened? He just fell from a tree!” Steve half yelled in a rising panic.  
“I’m sorry Mr. Rogers… I didn’t quite finish. Bucky was in possession of a standard issue rifle as he fell and it caused him to land pretty awkwardly. The fall itself was already a thirty-foot drop but the rifle… Well it sort of cracked his arm… And apparently he was also shot on the left arm twice by a weary opposing soldier.  
“Ohmygod. Is he gonna be alright?” Steve whispered suddenly close to crying all over again.  
“He lost a lot of blood and to my knowledge the arm is infected as well but he is undoubtedly going to live.” The officer assured as Steve struggled to catch up with his own speeding thoughts.  
“Oh, thank god…” Steve nodded.  
“Yes, thank god… Now I’m sorry Mr. Rogers but I have to go…” the officer said suddenly realizing just how charming Steve was even in his half-shocked state and wanting to leave before their encounter lead to casual conversation.

Steve nodded and took the name of the hospital that Bucky was checking into the next day before wishing the officer a good night and receiving a light blush and mumbled goodbye back.

As Steve returned to the couch after the flurry of emotion that was the visit from the officer, he read over Bucky’s letter again. He wondered at how strange it was that so much could change from one week to the next but then was suddenly was hit with the overbearing knowledge that Bucky was coming home. Regardless that he was injured, the brown haired mess Steve loved was coming home.

Out of nowhere, Steve was drowning in a rush of fresh tears. They were packed with the heavy weight of Steve’s relief alongside his simple happiness that the man he loved was coming home. The small blonde did of course feel concern for Bucky’s injury but in the face of all that was happening; that was a slightly mild emotion compared to what caused his tears.

Steve lied in bed still slightly buzzing as he yearned for the next day to take place. He’d called and informed Bucky’s parents already and was left only to impatiently watch the minutes tick by. However, reliably Steve did eventually go to sleep thanks to his easy fatigue and the emotional day he had had, but during his last few uncomfortable moments of consciousness, he slid into some troubling thoughts. Steve worried that secretly, he was hoping for Bucky’s injury to be severe enough to cut off his military career. Steve wondered just how terrible a person he was if he really did have hopes that selfish. He quickly decided that he would never think of it again. He was a good person. Everyone agreed on it. He would have to take their word. It wasn’t as if he was actively hoping for anything so mean but with his relentless moral alarm screeching at the most unattractive times, he couldn’t help but wonder. But in all his simplicity, all Steve really wanted was Bucky back home with him. Injury or no injury. Hospital stay or 6 month military leave. Steve was always just waiting for the moment Bucky’s footsteps would reappear. Waiting it out until then. Hoping.


	12. Back Where You Oughta Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reunion and reference to The Winter Soldier's metal arm. Also Steve being Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter, hope you like it! My next chapter is gonna be my last one and I'll probably be posting it Sunday so stay tuned for that. Stucky is too cute, I've been so happy to give a shot at writing them.

Steve was waiting in the hospital long before Bucky was even in a car on his way. The pale Brooklyn born man had been sitting restlessly, relentlessly chatting to the receptionist who was equally charmed and puzzled by their ultimately pointless conversation. If Bucky had been there to witness Steve’s impatience he would’ve quietly patted the girl on the shoulder and reassured her that Steve was always chatty when he was jittery. Bucky was not however, there yet, and Steve continued to fire questions and spin jokes around the receptionist until she was nearly high off his words. Steve had that affect on people. Making them crave his attention, soak in his words, giving him all they could give. He was just so pure. So innocent. He was the light that everyone’s darkness marvelled at unashamedly.

It was five in the afternoon when Steve was told that Bucky had finally entered the building. Steve continued to wait in a thorough state of exasperation while the nurses cleaned Bucky up and the receptionist’s shift ended and he was left alone... for another three hours.

It was eight when he was told that he could finally see his war scarred best friend.

A small grey man with the appearance of an otter trapped in human form guided him to Bucky’s room through an endless maze of identical doors and narrow corridors.

Upon reaching it, Steve was so anxious that he nearly wanted to turn around see Bucky the next day but he knew he’d never forgive himself if he did.

“Go on he’s right inside,” the small man said worn out by the small talk that Steve had unconsciously blurted the whole walk up.  
“Yeah I will. Just a little nervous you know? Best friend and all,” Steve replied smiling nervously and touching the doorknob like it was a precious object.  
“Mr. Rogers, just go. It’s only a door. I’m going to open it myself if you don’t. The look on your face when you talk about him says it all. You need to see him.” The man pleaded looking at Steve’s face softly.

Steve nodded but he far from felt that the door was identical to the rows he’d walked by. To him, that door felt like all the light of God was shining through it’s cracks and heaven itself could be felt just by the sheer presence of the brown haired man laying beyond it.

“Now, Rogers.” The otter man squeaked unable to bear the tension radiating off Steve’s body.

Steve’s hand responded slowly and in a couple timid steps, Steve was inside the small room.

“Bucky,” Steve smiled, as his eyes soaked up all of the battle worn man gazing happily at him.  
“Steve? I’m here,” Bucky responded and in no time both men were tearing up a little and smiling a lot on the tiny uncomfortable hospital bed.

The small otter man had quickly left upon sensing the intense privacy of the scene leaving Bucky and Steve alone together.

“Guess you came back to me for more oxygen eh?” Steve joked and Bucky continued to steal kisses off his lips as he spoke.  
“Shut up,” Bucky laughed, “God I missed you,”  
“Mm I kinda figured. I mean you even tried to take my rightful place as the cheeseball in this relationship when you wrote.” Steve teased.  
“Yes fine okay. You’re the king cheeseball Steve, now let me kiss you please,” Bucky replied rolling his eyes as he pulled Steve’s collar towards him with his good arm.

Steve happily obliged and savored tasting what he’d been without. Bucky felt slightly different to him though. More cigarettes and brawn. He told Bucky.  
“Guess that’s true… Sorry about the cigarettes… You’re more vodka and something else I can’t put my finger on.” Bucky admitted lightly smiling.  
“Too much time with Clint Barton is what,” Steve replied, “Gosh I’m still paranoid Natasha’s going to yell at me every time I see her.”  
“Why? She loves you.” Bucky said eating up all of Steve’s simple sugar voice.  
“I bought Clint vodka when he was sick and then I took him drinking the same night. It got so crazy you don’t even know! I fought with Jett and Clint got wasted and I can’t buy liquor anymore!” Steve sputtered tracing along Bucky’s face.  
“Wait what?” Bucky laughed confused.  
“Don’t worry its just neighborhood drama but you definitely can’t buy liquor at Jett’s either. He doesn’t like you… God you don’t even know what I’m talking about… I’ve missed you Buck,” Steve grinned.  
“I love you,” Bucky responded still lost on the conversation they were having.  
“Love you too, but seriously don’t buy liquor,” Steve said and Bucky smiled lightly then winced as he shifted position.

“Oh right how’s the battle injury?” Steve asked.  
“Oh my mind’s definitely fucked up forever,” Bucky claimed nonchalantly, “But we both know you meant my arm so I’ll respond as if that’s the superior battle injury.”  
“I’ll fix your theoretically superior battle injury. Tell me about the arm,” Steve pushed.  
“It’s like ultimately sorta useless now… I’ll be able to move it around eventually but it’s super stiff and I can’t really feel it except for when it hurts but I’m glad? I mean thanks to its uselessness I won’t be sent back,” Bucky said and Steve mentally breathed a sigh of rather guilty relief.  
“I’m sorry about it,” Steve voiced.  
“It’s cool. I mean it’s not cool. It’d be cool if I had this useless thing amputated and some sort robot arm put in its place. That would be cool. But I mean we’re cool. Heck we’re more than cool. We’re rainbows and unicorns if you agree.” Bucky grinned.  
“Sci-fi junkie…” Steve scolded fondly, “ but yes we’re rainbows and unicorns. Three stooges and constant flus. Us basically.”  
“Mhmm,” Bucky nodded.

“When are they letting you out?” Steve asked.  
“After tomorrow I think, it’s stupid. I’m ready.” Bucky complained.  
“Shut up. It’s better than six months.” The blonde reminded Bucky.  
“That’s true… alright. Are you sleeping at home tonight?” the injured ex-soldier asked.  
“Completely,” Steve nodded and then shook his head at Bucky’s almost taken aback expression.  
“You’re fucking stupid if you haven’t figured out you’re home yet Bucky. I’m with you till you’re out of this place and I’ll be with you when you’re back in our apartment okay?” Steve said and Bucky smiled pecking the blonde’s lips briefly.  
“You are _so_ the king cheeseball,”Bucky laughed and Steve rolled his eyes swatting Bucky’s good arm playfully.

The two men spent the night uncomfortably cramped and were only disturbed when the little otter man came to bring Steve out. Bucky quickly threw a fit that allowed Steve to stay and Steve apologized sincerely for it but didn’t leave. They were together again. It was how they worked. The togetherness was something powerful and stubborn all in itself. Their friends would be happy to see it alive again. Bucky even suggested they throw himself a Welcome Back party to which Steve called him narcissistic but agreed. Bucky was back after all and that was a blessing in itself. He’d tell Natasha the first chance he got because she always liked teasing him about his lovesickness. Then Clint because they’d gotten closer ever since the “Jett Incident” which is what they’d taken to calling the messy night. Then maybe even Jett himself… though probably not. Though definitely not. Steve grinned at his own happiness. Bucky was sleeping next to him again… He wouldn’t have felt better if he’d just won a million dollars.


	13. Home Is Where You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky in a pale green robe, Steve in full charm and home as it is to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the last chapter as promised!  
> I absolutely adored writing Wait It Out... This was my first attempt at a lengthier chaptered fanfic and the plot's not overly anything but I'm proud of it nonetheless. I hope you've enjoyed reading it and thank you so much for everyone that's stuck with it... I honestly never though it'd get more than 300 views... So yeah, love you guys and hope it was okay! :] x

Bucky and Steve were separated for most of the next day. Steve seemed to insist that he get Bucky’s Welcome Back party absolutely perfect regardless the number of times Bucky told him to forget it and just stay with him.

The nurses checked in on Bucky’s arm and minor wounds constantly throughout the day and frequently asked whether ‘the nice blonde’ was ‘coming back soon?’ Bucky replied nicely enough but he sighed inwardly at forgetting the affect Steve had on people. In most situations Bucky turned out to be the one that girls were interested in but he looked rather pathetic in a pale green hospital robe with his limp arm. He figured it was Steve’s charm at work with the nurses and nearly got jealous before he remembered that Steve was his anyway.

“I thought your friend would be back by now,” a pretty young blonde nurse said casually as she dabbed just a little too much alcohol into one of his ready scabbing cuts.  
“Yeah and he’s not,” Bucky snapped annoyed. She’d been pestering him about Steve ruthlessly for the past hour.  
“He’s a nice fella,” the girl continued, quite shamelessly bearing a look of fantasy on her face.  
“Sure is. Too bad for you he’s taken,” Bucky smiled plastically and the girl blushed violently before quickly turning around. He liked seeing her look as uncomfortable as he’d felt.

“Well I better get going… It looks like you’re pretty patched up!” The girl piped bearing a wide fake smile after her red-faced recovery.  
“Guess I am then… See you!” Bucky replied in all the faux friendliness he could muster.  
“Bye,” the blonde replied as she turned to exit.  
“Though you’d really rather not. And just by the way, the nice fella’s my boyfriend,” Bucky yelled as the door shut abruptly.  
“Fucking fag,” the girl hissed outside of the door and Bucky shut up. He was as stupidly brave as a crippled man in the front line of battle but he broke easily when any genuinely nasty words were chucked at him. It was what he hated about himself.

He moped around for the rest of day feeling slightly angry and useless in the tiny hospital bed waiting for Steve. The next nurse to visit turned out to be a stern middle-aged brunette that barely said a word as she treated him. Bucky inferred that his wounds had been assigned to her considering she was the only one that consistently came back. He was glad. Bucky couldn’t take any more unnecessary small talk.

Steve ended up walking in during the middle of one of the brunette nurse’s visits.

“Hey Buck,” Steve smiled as he walked to Bucky’s bedside. The nurse glared at him for interrupting.  
“You’ve replaced me with a pretty girl already? Dammit,” Steve teased and in an instant the nurse seemed to loosen her stern expression.  
“I wouldn’t trade you for a million bucks,” Bucky grinned shaking his head at Steve’s easy charisma.  
“Good. One of you is enough anyway. I’d need twenty pretty Barbara’s to help me if there were even two of you,” Steve joked and only by the nurse’s red-cheeked reaction did Bucky figure out her name-tag read Barbara.

“Oh shut it young man, I’m the ugliest old crow in this building” she beamed and Steve rolled his eyes.  
“Yes you totally are,” the blonde responded sarcastically and Bucky recognized that as the moment the nurse became comfortable around him. Poor old Barbara had been charmed and befriended by Bucky’s flirt of a boyfriend in only a couple seconds. She even let out a light cackle that twisted her face to look unnaturally happy.

“Delusional old Babs thinks she’s ugly Buck! Can you imagine? If I had half her face I’d be vain!” Steve laughed.  
Barbara smiled fondly and rolled her eyes.

That was difference between Bucky and Steve. Bucky knew how to make people fall for him, respect him, want him. Steve though, well he could make the most difficult person smile, bring out the good in the darkest character, create a life-long friendship in a few minutes. When Bucky was a good man, Steve was always the kind one, the nice one, the ideal one. Bucky loved him for it, loved him pathetically for it. And as Barbara turned her back to fiddle with supplies, Bucky pulled Steve’s shirt towards him for a quick kiss. Steve responded quickly and let out a quiet chuckle at Barbara’s oblivious back. The laugh drove Bucky insane in the best way possible. He was weak for Steve’s contagious happiness. Heck if Steve so much as smiled onto Bucky’s lips the ex-soldier felt like a rich man.

Barbara broke him out of his lovey thought with a, “Well I think I’m done here boys!”

Bucky sighed.

“And as for you young man… well, you can walk out of here free at 8:00am tomorrow morning,” she grinned poking Bucky lightly.  
“Does that mean I’ll have to deal with him?” Steve asked and Barbara laughed.

Bucky shuddered at the sound then felt guilty about it and went slightly red.

“See you boys, be good,” she said pushing her medicine trolley out and shutting the door carefully.

“You disgusting little flirt,” Bucky teased sitting up and pinching Steve’s forearm.  
“Caught red-handed,” Steve smiled shrugging as he pushed Bucky over to make room for himself.  
“How was your day?” the taller man asked as he shifted placing a small kiss on Steve’s jawline.  
“Well Nat and Clint’ll be coming over for your Welcome Back party and so will Sam,”  
“Sam Wilson? God I haven’t seen him in ages!” Bucky exclaimed.  
“I know! Just thought I’d keep it intimate since you go all showy-offy in big crowds and start downing too much beer,” the blonde smiled.  
“Yeah that wouldn’t be the best idea for now would it?”  
“Nope. I also managed to somehow get in touch with your Stanley guy. Says he hopes your okay. It was an awkward call,”  
“God I’d imagine… And he’s not my Stanley. He’s just Stanley, sure he’s great but you’re the one I was living for out there. You’re not mad about him are you?” Bucky asked.  
“Nah. I couldn’t be. I mean when I was his age I could barely act normal in front of you. Guess I’m just lucky that I met you first… And that you liked me of course,”  
“I’ve liked you since I first saw you Steve. You have that effect on people,” Bucky replied smiling.  
Steve rolled his eyes grinning, “well you know what I mean. I’m lucky you had a crush on me and that you were brash enough to admit it.”

“Oh no let’s not talk about that. It was tragic!” Bucky groaned referring to the time he’d first admitted his feelings for Steve.  
“You’re alright Steve. More than alright. Heck, you’re like on a superior level to alright,” Steve laughed quoting Bucky.  
“Ohmygod please no!”  
“Do you think I’m alright?” Steve went on, torturously citing Bucky’s exact wording which he somehow still remembered.  
“Ohmygod Steve,”  
“C’mon Buck, relive the young awkward moments with me,” Steve laughed.

Bucky glared at him but gave in.

“U-um, you’re my best friend if that’s what you mean,” the brown haired man quoted imitating the voice of younger Steve Rogers.  
“Well that’s a given… At least I’d hope so but what I mean is… What I mean is if I did this, would it ruin everything?” Steve went on.  
“And then I kissed you! And it was such a terrible kiss. You were so shocked and it felt amazing but I was so scared you’d back away!” Bucky laughed.  
“But I didn’t. I never have. Not from you,” Steve said simply.

“I’m glad for that. I’d probably be a mess if you hadn’t kissed me back and looked after me that night,” Bucky grinned.  
“Oh for sure. But I would’ve looked after you even if I hadn’t liked you. You’re my best friend Buck. This is just a bonus.” he said stealing a kiss off Bucky’s unsuspecting mouth.  
“Cheeseball.” Bucky laughed.

They continued on with their pointless couply conversation till late that night and fell asleep on the lumpy hospital bed once again.  
At 8:00am sharp the next day Steve and Bucky were dressed and leaving the hospital.

Steve drove their dingy old Ford Focus back to their neighbourhood then told Bucky they should stop by for groceries. The taller man agreed and both inevitably spent an hour at the supermarket arguing over which cereal to buy and which yogurt box was worth the 15 dollars they would normally spend on wine. (Steve seemed to insist that Bucky quit drinking for the first month he was back just to keep healthy regardless that it was his arm that was messed up).

After shopping they decided to stop by a small hipster breakfast café that served the ‘best crepes in the world (or at least in Brooklyn)’. The pair ate as only they could eat and drove home on lightly bulging bellies.

Natasha, Clint and Sam were unapologetically lounging across Steve and Bucky’s couches when they first caught sight of the post-war soldier. After the initial hugging and pointless friendly comments, Clint brought the mood back to how it’d normally be.

“You’re so not worth getting up this early for,” he groaned and received a cheerful punch on the arm courtesy of Bucky Barnes.

The jokey snark was tossed around for an hour or two more amongst the small group of friends while cookies were perpetually emptied onto the slightly stained trays.  
After a while, Bucky looked around the room happily and was overcome with the simple inexplicable emotion of being around people he loved under painstakingly normal conditions. He wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon and that knowledge alone gave him intense comfort.

“A toast!” Bucky claimed suddenly as he lifted his mug of warm chocolate.  
The others routinely lifted their mugs.  
“To the wonderful people that make up my home,” he saluted.

Nat, Clint and Sam nodded, Steve smiled.

“Clink,” the group said in unison then burst out laughing. Nothing had changed between them. They were all still too lazy to get up and touch their glasses.

Smiling, Bucky was overtaken by simple pure love. The type Steve seemed to radiate…. So he looked over at Steve who was lounging next to him and pecked the small blonde affectionately. The others groaned. Steve laughed. Bucky was home. Nothing could feel better.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer, I don't own any of the characters in this story. I wrote it out of pure enjoyment and all the content is perfectly fictional.


End file.
